nolinoli said: What is the name of the movie with the girl in the red sweater, Angela, saying "I love you" to the door?
I believe you mean from this gifset. It is Jean-Luc Godard’s 1961 film Une femme est une femme (A Woman Is a Woman), and Angela is played by the charming Anna Karina. It is perhaps my favourite film, for it gives me hope for relationships that aren’t perfect (sadly, it gave me hope during my last relationship, but now my old partner hates me). Anyway, I hope you and many others get a chance to watch it and enjoy it.
I should have been taking medication for my depression and anxiety many years ago, I should have at least been taking such medication when I moved to a new city last year, I should have told my mum I needed to start taking such medication as soon as I moved back, but sadly none of those things happened; I didn’t want to disappoint anyone and I wanted to be optimistic about changing for the better all by myself. I start going to college tomorrow (not even to learn real college level things, I just need to upgrade high school level stuff because I’m stupid), and I’ve already had a slight panic attack last night as I tried to fall asleep and I’ve done nothing today but worry. I wish the doctor I’m going to see in a few days wasn’t on vacation when I finally admitted I needed medical help….
I want the feeling I had this past Canada Day while on the train home to last forever, that is, the feeling of comfort, pride, contentment, and joy to be with my best friend whose hair I gently played with. I just want true love in my life, nothing else really matters to me….
I finally did some MBTI tests. I mainly got INFJ, but the results were a few times close to INTJ and I actually got INTJ on one of the tests. INFJ makes a lot of sense for me, though. I have, however, many of the negative aspects which I’ve read are quite possible for INFJ people (particularly my short temper, worrying over small details, coming off as overly distant, being too easily hurt, and coming off as acting smarter than others, among others). At least I’m determined and always wanting to learn to become a better person.
I’m so sorry for everything….
champagnesuperkonrad said: Devastating does sound more apt, now that you've explained at length what's been happening. I'm really not sure what to say, you've suffered a great loss and a great blow to your emotional state. It sounds terrible but personally I think the best thing to do is see what went wrong, so you can avoid it happening again, and put it behind you, to move onto something better. As I'm sure someone as devoted as you deserves. And that's perfectly ok, you have my url if you want to speak again :)
Thank you. It’s difficult because I am very sincere about analysing what went wrong and what went right and how to become a better person, but by doing so I am also making myself feel atrocious and as though I need to get back with my old partner and repay her for all my lacking of love, and this prevents me from moving forward. At the same time I also don’t want to just forget her and our past because she is very important to me, and I’ll always be here for her at least as a friend. Well, I’ll hopefully be taking antidepressants soon, which I feel I’ve needed for many years now (I wonder what the last two years would have been like if I were on them), and I’ll have college to distract me a bit, maybe even a job eventually. Again, thanks for being so kind.
dream job: librarian at Hogwarts.